Life. What is there to say? As a mom, it seems like I seem to get it right, I seem to get in a good flow, and something comes along and knocks down all my folded laundry.
All these years I have fought against the ebb and flow thinking if I fight for the “right” thing and go the “right” way things would turn out “right”. Math Logic: Right+Right=2Right
I wasn’t left with anything new. I have been leaving myself with more “right”…which really isn’t right at all. It’s filler. It’s like getting a bag of chips on sale to find out that 60% of the bag is AIR. I have been buying into air for years, and recently avoiding my Psychology side of my major and doing the other requirements, I took a Theology class of Family Ministries.
It’s really less creepy than it seems
The class was simple. Readings, some shorts posts, a paper or two…and I somehow hardly did any of the work. Life was at 60% air and I got distracted and bought into the air. Again. [I’m human I should really just accept this and move on…]
The class talked a lot about how the family has changed over the last 200 years. It also addressed personal walls that keep us from growing any further. The point we get in life where it feels like everything is stalled.
I could relate to that. I knew I had gone through quite a few points in my life where I was stalled, cranky, and annoyed. [I was going through one of those cycles during this class] That knowledge did not keep me from or get me out of the cycle. In fact, I got more cranky, more annoyed, and more stuck.
Last week I was writing a paper I had asked for an extension on. My husband and I were in a war, my kids had been at each other on a daily basis, and we got fleas from our invisible dog that we never owned. Normal human cycle: I still did not throw my flag up and rely more on God. I got cranky.In fact I got so cranky I did absolutely nothing. I through a “tantrum”. I would sit and “pray” and tell God this test was just ridiculous. Something needed to give.
1 bug bombing, 30 loads of laundry, cleaning, spring cleaning, bags and bags of rubbish, and an exterminator later…I started vacuuming the first of 14 more vacuums to suck those fleas and their spawn out of my apartment and in the hum of the vacuum I realized I was so thankful I had a carpet to vacuum.
I hadn’t invited to fleas into my house, but they found a way. The climate was right and they got comfortable. Really, is there much of a difference between those fleas and how I act sometimes?
John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
I chose the air instead of the chips. I let my guard down. I stopped thanking God in prayer and giving him my problems for the day. I put them on my own “to do” list acting like it’s a personal task instead of a spiritual one. The trials come in and I have forgotten God’s promises. I surrender and fall on the sword. Even to fleas.
…and at just the right time God reminds me of Jesus. (Galatans 4:5)
I didn’t pray the fleas away. I made my bed. The bed that I have not slept in for 2 weeks out of the fear the fleas would re-contaminate my room. I made it with my clean sheets. And I am going to sleep in my bed tonight.
I realize the fleas might come back. I might get bitten. I might have to do 30 more loads of laundry and vacuum until the belt snaps and I have more problems… but I don’t have to stop living, being creative in the situation, and thanking God for all He’s done. Because really…without all God’s done in my life, I wouldn’t have much to write about.