Lately, I’ve wondered where my passion’s gone. Driving to nanny at 7 AM this morning, I wondered how long the light hadn’t been lit.
I get caught in the flow of technology and sleep deprivation. That seductive light that lures me to “relaxation” for hours of Facebook, Instagram, and marathons of my favorite TV shows. It’s amazing how all that relaxing is so exhausting.
If I am not happy with where I am…why not move? Why do I sit frozen by excuses and guilt, and remedy that change will come…tomorrow.
Tomorrow… tomorrow… I love ya! tomorrow… it’s only a day away. (Insert jazz hands, bright lights, and shimmery costumes)
I don’t know what happens for you, but tomorrow never comes. I only ever have today. And if I do have tomorrow it winds up being consumed in the regrets of all the time I lost and wasted yesterday with worthless and empty technology spans. All the excuses I make as to why I can’t live today.
After reading a fellow blogger’s posting, I dusted off my bible app and read a few Chapters out of Matthew.
“Some Bad Yeast” aka “The Pharisees and Sadducees Seek a Sign” aka Matthew 16:1-4.
Then the Pharisees and Sadducees came, and testing Him asked that He would show them a sign from heaven. He answered and said to them, “When it is evening you say, ‘It will be fair weather for the sky is red’; and in the morning, ‘It will be foul weather today, for the sky is red and threatening.’ Hypocrites! You know how to discern the signs of the times. A wicked and adulterous generation seeks after a sign, and no sign shall be given except of the prophet Jonah. And He left them and departed.
I remember the story of Jonah. In fact, I recently told the story of Jonah to my son and we both agreed it would stink to get eaten by a whale. But after reading this, I realized not only am I no better than Jonah (fellow sinner and human being) but I could relate to him. I could be him. (Pardon the satire on the story of Jonah. Comedy seems to be the only way I can really explain this story.)
Here’s the skinny:
Jonah depends on God. God asks Jonah to go talk to some people Jonah doesn’t really like. Jonah runs away. There’s a huge storm while he’s on his boat heading to no where good. Some strangers throw him overboard. God has a fish eat Jonah. Jonah comes back to God because he realizes he needs Him. Jonah gets spit up on a beach 3 days later smelling like regret and looking like…well…
Jonah goes to Nineveh (the people he does not like). They realize Jonah’s right and they need to get their act straight. Jonah gets angry because God won’t smite them. God’s all, “Really??” And Jonah throws another fit, says he’d rather be dead, and walks out of the city to wait for God to destroy it. But He (big He is God bee tee dub) doesn’t. In fact, He has a tree grow over Jonah to give him shelter from the insane heat. Jonah is all “aww, this is so nice!” God send s a worm to destroy the tree so Jonah is, again, exposed to the horrible heat and wind. Jonah throws a fit again and says he’d rather be dead. (This is definitely not word for word so check out the book of Jonah in the Oh Tee. Old Testament.)
(Getting back to the actual Bible version…) Then the Message put’s what God says to Jonah like this: “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong, to say nothing of all the innocent animals?”
That’s it. That’s the end of the book of Jonah. There’s no miraculous signs and wonders. Jonah doesn’t kill himself. God doesn’t kill Jonah. It’s just I love you. I love them. My grace has covered you. My grace can cover them. The end. (mind blown.)
Jesus said in the passage from Matthew that it’s the signs and wonders kind of people that will miss God. Jonah was held in the belly of the whale for 3 days much like Jesus who would later be buried for 3 days and rise again. Jonah missed the boat and so did Jesus’ followers when he was alive again. The prophet who threw temper tantrums compared to the blameless Son of God who died for the sins of the human race. And just like Jonah, I’m covered by His sacrifice. Temper tantrums, opinions and all.
Jonah humor aside… It isn’t God’s communication with me that is lacking. It’s my dedication to communicating and spending time with Him. And like Jonah, if I only take the problems in my life and the world that really irk me to Him, I’m missing out on the capacity and depth of the grace and love this relationship can contain. I miss out on how big God really is.
Another year with no resolutions.
No resolves to be a better person, mom and wife.
No Martha Stewart creations and innovations that will guarantee a more harmonious home.
No 10 ways to spend more time with my kids.
No set date night every Friday (That usually doesn’t happen because lets face it, life happens and Netflix is waaay cheaper than dinner out and a movie.)
No religious precepts and theories to mold my life into a better picture only to view the disarray and mess left behind when I close the front door when the day is done.
Not this year.
Not ever again.
This is the year I’m running towards Nineveh.
The year I know I don’t want to do it and because of that, spite my feelings, and do it anyway.
This is the year I love those around me and get mad about the person I let myself be to them.
The year I tell my depression that Jesus is the Lord of my mind, the maker of each day, and the movement in my step.
The year I wait for reward.
The year I put myself aside and give more.
No this year isn’t about me.
This is the year of the Lord of my life.
Creator of my inmost being.
Author of everything.
King over the Kings and rulers of this world.
Lover to the unlovable and repulsive.
Comfort to the burdens I cannot hold.
Peace to my confusion.
Beginning and the end.
This is the year.
Today is the day.
Today is His day.