Love>

I wish it were as easy as my mile run, squats and weight lifting.

Unfortunately, it slows me down more than the multiple cheese and crackers I might have had with my glass of wine last night.

But stepping forward to do this one action makes my time off from my work out routine seem simple.

Love.

Two weeks of standing still.
Two weeks frozen in fear over my next steps.

Am I the only person who is afraid of this word?

Love.

For a large portion of my childhood I really only labeled love through the actions of being fed, having the bills paid, and being kept safe.

Now as a mom at home I admittedly struggle daily. Love is so much more than this when you take care of your family at home on a daily basis.

It’s being patient… After repeating yourself for the 28th time that day.
It’s being kind… When you would really rather, well…not be.
It’s being content…when you know you won’t make your budget again.
It’s admitting your wrong doing in the situation even when you know you were right.
It’s being silent even when you want to rub in that you were right.
All because love is greater. the purpose of love is a much greater goal than the moment at hand.

I feel like God has been following me with this lesson of love.
Every Sunday morning message.
Every daily verse on my Bible app. Every life breath and movement is whispering…

Just love them.

I am so selfish. (And if that’s not a Debbie downer–that means huge buzz kill, bummer–, wait for it…) Letting go of myself has been the hardest lesson in my life. Ever.
Love in it’s concept and overall goal for the other is not what stops me in my tracks. It’s the fact that to truly enact agape love, it cannot be about me .

That means a lot of my lazy and selfish habits need to be weeded.

The next part was the part that woke me up though.

If I don’t let go of myself and love those around me more than myself… I am risking putting my children in the same situation.

That thought made the situation unbearable.

See I had this prayer in the first moments of seeing my firstborn, swaddled, perfect, and beautiful.

“God, bless him. Make his life full of You and let Him know Jesus far greater and deeper than I ever have, or ever will.”

In these two weeks I have remembered those moments clearly.

The moments after he was born.
The tears.
The relief.
Hearing life breath rise and fall from his little chest.
Hearing it whistle in and out of his tiny nose.

And now, almost 7 years after that heart grown plea with the Savior who saved me…
The Savior who has patiently waited through all of my childish ways…
Through the birth of another beautiful heaven sent gift…
I’ve heard the patient whisper.

It’s time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-3
“There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build”

Much like labor pains bring about birth in moments we are not ready or overwhelmed… When it’s time to weed out a behavior because God is growing greater blessings… I need to step forward in faith.

I need to step forward and learn the lesson of how to love and embrace the changing seasons of life.

Proverbs 21:21

Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor.