Lack of finances will totally take you through some situations you filed under “I’d rather not”.
This year, almost half way through, has definitely fit the phrase “Things I don’t want to do.” In reflection of all the situations I have come up against I am pretty certain that the one common denominator is fear.
Isn’t it amazing? Human beings seem so fearless at times. My daily schedule isn’t exactly Evil Knievel style (packing a healthy snack for a 1st grade boy is quite a daring task though. I mean c’mon… He could get made fun of for having an orange instead of Gushers.), BUT thinking about some of the tasks I took advantage of daily, compared to the last month… you really start noticing when you live out of fear instead of faith.
My pastor in the program I attended in Utah at 17 frequently said “Life always looks better in hindsight.” We can look back and reflect on the good steps and faulty ones, and make decisions on how to move forward.
At my church, our pastor has been teaching on contemplative spirituality. For a big phrase, it’s quite simple. It is definitely one of the things I had unknowingly feared the most. It’s the silence around us and in our minds. Have you ever gotten really quiet? I mean so quiet you aren’t even thinking? Until yesterday I thought it impossible. I can’t even walk to the grocery store for 3 minutes without thinking or singing in my head.
Jesus always went away to a quiet place. I am really starting to think it wasn’t because He was holier then everyone else. Life gets loud. It gets chaotic. He had crowds and disciples following Him a lot. He was a teacher, a listener, a friend, a son, a brother. When we look at Jesus’ human side, and break it down, He’s quite relatable. I am not Jesus… but I can relate. After days of teaching kids, and listening to how days have been, and connecting with friends, and parents, and sisters and brothers… something inside me says slow down. Decompress. Breathe.
Put the phone away, drive away, find a quiet place, and inhale the creator of my inner most being.
It’s there, in the quiet place of reflection, my emotions can’t hide behind dusters, errands, and laundry. Up until yesterday I had no idea the silence could decompress my fears and bring out hidden motives without guilt being attached. It’s just a few peaceful moments of being with the creator of the universe.
It has made me realize something profoundly simple. I am an addict.
I crave background noise. Not to mention a good beverage or snack. I really can’t shake a finger at someone else for their drug of choice. I have mine too. And if I bet to wager… there is a possibility you have one or two addictions as well.
That silence I have forced upon myself has done me good. It’s like accomplishing cleaning…on the inside (yup, I said it!). Much like the AM coffee or PM munchie, I am quickly realizing I can’t live without silence and solitude, but I can live with a lot less of the other stuff.
If you’d like a great source for this click here and view messages from 4/27/14-5/18/14